To lie down and sleep.
I am so tired.
This is for my brothers and sisters in need of rest.
It’s becoming less rare for me to wake up sweaty and nauseous after a frustrating, restless night. I haven’t always had to deal with interrupted sleep, but some months it seems impossible to rest at all. I’m not sure what happened. I used to dream in vivid plot and color, waking in the same position in which I had fallen asleep. Sometimes I can reach that peaceful sleep again. In the same way I experience these phases of sleeplessness, I too go through periods of gratifying rest. My sleep cycle is fickle. She likes to shake things up every now and then, I suppose.
She’s frustrating, but she teaches me. What I learn from the cycle is gratitude for times of rest. Just like when you heal from sickness and choose not to take your un-sore throat for granted. Just like when you move away from a season of chaos and choose to savor your new peace.
Okay, we’re getting somewhere.
February has been and will continue to be full of deadlines, taking up even more space in my mind than in my planner. Our yearbook is due, we have plenty of papers and projects, and a lot of my time is taken by volunteering and taking care of personal responsibilities. It’s easy for me to wish and wish for it to be over with. Easier. Less. For something to give. It’s harder for me to shut down that kind of thinking.
Let me tell you why I shut it down anyway.
Because our God promises that we never have to wait for peace.
He doesn’t make us lie down in green pastures when we’re walking there already. He doesn’t lead us beside quiet rivers just when we happen to be there.
He meets us where we are and shows us where to go.
When I first understood this, it was during what was arguably the most tiresome year of my life so far. I had worked my way from having a couple of panic attacks in a day up to nine or ten, and it never seemed to stop. No matter what measures I took, they would pick the most inconvenient moments and do their scary, exhausting thing. I counted every day until they added up to months, eventually losing touch with the idea that this was not a normal way to be living.
Somewhere along the way, there was a moment of clarity. I felt like I was standing a few feet away, observing how my brain was triggering fake signals of danger, and watching how my body responded to what looked like nothing. That moment let me separate the pain from myself; it let me quit using it to define my life as it was.
I still had panic attacks. But they didn’t blind me anymore—I could see through them. They were suddenly just something to me, not everything.
I take no credit for my recovery. The Lord led me to a place of faith, and gave me the strength to stick to standing firm against fear. Because of his guidance, I had peace and calm in turbulent waters.
During this season of business and work and deadlines, God is giving me rest in his word. With his hand leading me, I manage my time so that my nights are free. No matter how much I have to do, I will find a way to finish so I can read (typically from she reads truth!) and find sleep while the night is still young. It’s refreshing to wake up in the morning without worry.
So maybe physical rest for me is still something that needs improvement, but I can always trust in the Lord to keep my mind, and my emotions, and my spirit in green pastures and beside quiet rivers.
Ask him to show you where you can go to lie down and rest. Rest is revival, and you will surely be revived.
if maybe you don’t have the words,
“Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.” (Psalm 116:7)
“So there is a special rest still waiting for the people of God. For all who have entered into God’s rest have rested from their labors, just as God did after creating the world. So let us do our best to enter that rest.” (Hebrews 4:9-11)
“I lay down and slept; I awoke, for the LORD sustains me.” (Psalm 3:5)
“Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls.” (Jeremiah 6:16)
“The fear of the LORD leads to life, So that one may sleep satisfied, untouched by evil.” (Proverbs 19:23)
“And He said, “My presence shall go with you, and I will give you rest.”’ (Exodus 33:14)